The Painted Smile

You ever wake up in tears? Shivering, sobbing from a pain you carry around every day….. From a heart so heavy yet so empty you wonder how it’s still beating.

Ever curl up in a ball and sob? Till you’re gasping for air but more out of reflex than survival?

Do your dreams ever reflect your unexpressed emotions? Like paying some sweet young soul to play torturous heavenly music, where he’s in the open air while you’re behind stained glass, trapped in a room sitting on a stair feeling your breath tighten. Knowing, your spirit is off drifting, trying to find the freedom and serenity of the music but leaving your body behind….. Empty

Ever wish you could let everyone know that you’re empty and lost and need their love and hugs and support but you know it won’t work. Because you don’t want to share with them the black hole that’s consuming you…. They can’t stop it, they can’t fill it. With them for a minute you forget but you’re not truly happy…. In fact you’re angry, subtly angry… Not at them but it lashes out behind them and you can’t stop it. You want to apologise but it’s just words because it keeps happening… It’s not their fault, it’s the black hole… It destroys any happiness that comes close to you now. You feel trapped. Trapped in despair and devastation. Isolated on all sides from light and life and joy and love.

Ever feel like that?

Nah, neither me.

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