The Gods are Cruel

Surrounded by clouds in blissful abandonment
A smile in your heart and warmth in your soul
Safe in the stare, seduced by the lips
Yesterday, Tomorrow, not even today exists

A mistake, a failure, a moment of disgrace
A look, a kiss, a laugh, an embrace
No bad no hurt no deceit no lie
Just something gone wrong, an imperfection , a cry

Things just happen no good no bad
Just one soul acting as two
Discovering, loving and feeling anew

But be careful with your wish for the Gods are cruel

The Painted Smile

You ever wake up in tears? Shivering, sobbing from a pain you carry around every day….. From a heart so heavy yet so empty you wonder how it’s still beating.

Ever curl up in a ball and sob? Till you’re gasping for air but more out of reflex than survival?

Do your dreams ever reflect your unexpressed emotions? Like paying some sweet young soul to play torturous heavenly music, where he’s in the open air while you’re behind stained glass, trapped in a room sitting on a stair feeling your breath tighten. Knowing, your spirit is off drifting, trying to find the freedom and serenity of the music but leaving your body behind….. Empty

Ever wish you could let everyone know that you’re empty and lost and need their love and hugs and support but you know it won’t work. Because you don’t want to share with them the black hole that’s consuming you…. They can’t stop it, they can’t fill it. With them for a minute you forget but you’re not truly happy…. In fact you’re angry, subtly angry… Not at them but it lashes out behind them and you can’t stop it. You want to apologise but it’s just words because it keeps happening… It’s not their fault, it’s the black hole… It destroys any happiness that comes close to you now. You feel trapped. Trapped in despair and devastation. Isolated on all sides from light and life and joy and love.

Ever feel like that?

Nah, neither me.

Female sexuality; Rape; Murder; Carnival

I wanted to stay silent on this issue. I wanted to ignore what was happening. I wanted to remain uninvolved politically in such a touchy subject.

But I couldn’t.

I am a woman after all, and I do have to live in a society where these issues are prevalent and these opinions given places of authority.

Let me shed some light.

Carnival in Trinidad and Tobago has just been concluded. Most citizens and visitors are on a high from the euphoria they just experienced.

Carnival is Bacchanal…. Or so the song says.

Carnival is colour and mas and WOMAN!

Almost every soca and party song played is dedicated to women and their figures and the gyrating movements performed with their hips.

Carnival is a catharsis….. A time of release from everyday stress…. A time to own and celebrate your sexuality…. The only time celebrating your sexuality is not only allowed but encouraged.

This year, after Carnival news broke that a female masquerader was found dead around the savannah.

Ok, another dead body….. Sad and unfortunate but I’m sorry to say the nation would probably not have been in outrage if it wasn’t for the prompting from the Port of Spain Mayor Mr Tim Kee.

You see this misguided gentleman made a statement urging women to take responsibility for their lewd and vulgar conduct.

Now, in essence he is correct in cautioning women against such behaviour.

Now the nation is up in arms and most feminists and women’s rights activists are calling for his removal as the mayor of the capital city.

Now before I give my opinion I will simply make statements.

Women have the right to behave in any manner they wish provided that it is legal.

Women also have the responsibility to ensure that they don’t unnecessarily place themselves in risky situations.

Men do NOT have the right to rape or kill ANYONE.

The mayor did NOT say that the woman was behaving in a lewd or vulgar manner. Neither did he say that she ‘look for that’

Trinidad and Tobago’s culture and Carnival Festivities encourage somewhat vulgar behaviour by women.

A woman was just killed enjoying our cultural Festivities when our Mayor of POS made insensitive comments which led the public to believe/infer that he blamed this woman’s untimely demise on her presumed conduct during said festivities.

The Mayor does not know this woman personally and could not know what her conduct was like during these Celebrations.

The woman, it was revealed, was a Japanese national who came to play pan (our national instrument). She does this yearly.

The mayor’s statement can now potentially cause the country international embarrassment.

Now for my opinion.

This would have been tricky for me because I do believe that we as women should take caution and act responsibly so as not to attract any dangers.

Of course this ranges from displays of eroticism (unless that’s what you do for work) to travelling in groups to having at home security systems, especially if living alone.

However, noone has the right to sexually force themselves on another person, despite what conduct that person displays.

And further we do not know how this woman was enjoying the carnival as most of us do not know her personally or saw her on the road.

Let’s go further, as a society we have failed when our men believe that they can commit acts violently against our women. We have also failed when our politicians instead of condemning the perpetrators of these acts, make insensitive statements against female sexuality.

As a politician, Mr Tim Kee, I don’t believe you meant to associate lewd sexual conduct as the cause of this lady’s death but I do believe you should have known better.

Now Mr Tim Kee you have some work to do. If you don’t want to step down, you need to now go on a campaign to re-educate men about their responsibility to control themselves in the presence of beautiful women.

You good sir need to convince the public and female sexual victims that you are not slut shaming them, especially without knowing their individual situations.

The issue of female sexuality is one where education is sorely lacking.

Look out for my story with my brush with sexual prejudice for the past Carnival season.

Please share your comments and opinions below.

Allow me to Re-introduce Myself

So you think you know me? Think I’m the same girl you knew last year?

Please….. I’m not even the same girl I was yesterday.

Every day I evolve. Every single day.

And no, I am not a schizophrenic. I’ve known someone with schizophrenia, it’s no joke.

I evolve every day because I learn every day. I learn more about myself, about life, about my profession. More about society and how I prefer to react to situations. I learn more about my personal style or how to better manage my hair.

It’s because I learn every day and because I want to learn every day, that I’m here, blogging ; connecting to you, whomever you may be.

I want to learn from you and share with you. But most importantly, I want to learn from myself; see the evolution of my mind and outlooks and perspectives.

I said in my first introduction that I may need you, but in the few months that I’ve been blogging, I realised….. I actually do NEED you!!

I want to improve my writing and become this truly awesome person that I created Ms Abby Kay to be.

So you know what?
No more being overly proper, I’m just going to say what I feel and think, no self imposed censor; and I’m going to ask for your help in understanding different perspectives. In determining different ways to approach different situations.

I will share with you my joys and my pains, and let you know that whatever it is that you may be going through, you are not alone, you got me. You may not like what I have to say but you got me. And I hope I can count on you too.

So, join me on my journey. Let’s be Awesome together….. Uncensored and uncut!

Much Love!
Ms Abby Kay

Again

Left again
Stranded again
Abandoned again
Unloved again
Used again
Feeling stupid again
Tired of wasting time and money again
Only to be left alone again
Don’t want to be angry again
Or bitter again
Don’t want a void where emotions were again
Don’t want to feel empty again

So now, strong in my weakness, I stand again

Shoulders back,
Chin up,
Chest out,
AWESOME AGAIN

Promiscuous Girl; Virtuous Woman

This one goes out to the ladies!

You’ve had a few sexual partners before and enjoy your share of sexual relations, this immediately disqualifies you from being considered wife material.

What the hell is up with that. So now because you find sex is fun and don’t deprive yourself of partaking in it you almost automatically get labelled. A ‘hoe’ or ‘bad ting’ or some other derogatory term.

If men can see your sexuality and can easily assume that you enjoy and revel in it, then you get treated with less respect than a perceived virgin. WHY?? Why are you not considered wife material because the world views you as a sensual person? The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about what a wife should be is the Bible passage (see below).

Proverbs 31:10-31King James Version (KJV)

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Now, does anywhere in that passage read…..she must have been a virgin to be considered virtuous. Sure, don’t ‘horn’ your husband, and yes, ideally we should strive to preserve our hidden treasure for that special person.

BUT, it does not mean that those who have ‘sinned’ and have shared that part of themselves with others to partake in the pleasures of the skin cannot be considered for the virtuous institution of marriage. Many women who have not yet found their Boaz are fulfilling a basic human need (SEX in case you’re wondering) while waiting on this Mr Right.

Why would God give a woman a clitoris filled with nerve endings, so that she can enjoy sex if she wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. Waiting on Mr Right can take forever, sometimes a woman may find herself fooled by pretenders. A woman can be industrious, generous, loving and virtuous and still enjoy her sensual side.

YES…..sometimes a Promiscuous Girl CAN be a Virtuous Woman.

What’s your take? Let’s Debate!!