The Painted Smile

You ever wake up in tears? Shivering, sobbing from a pain you carry around every day….. From a heart so heavy yet so empty you wonder how it’s still beating.

Ever curl up in a ball and sob? Till you’re gasping for air but more out of reflex than survival?

Do your dreams ever reflect your unexpressed emotions? Like paying some sweet young soul to play torturous heavenly music, where he’s in the open air while you’re behind stained glass, trapped in a room sitting on a stair feeling your breath tighten. Knowing, your spirit is off drifting, trying to find the freedom and serenity of the music but leaving your body behind….. Empty

Ever wish you could let everyone know that you’re empty and lost and need their love and hugs and support but you know it won’t work. Because you don’t want to share with them the black hole that’s consuming you…. They can’t stop it, they can’t fill it. With them for a minute you forget but you’re not truly happy…. In fact you’re angry, subtly angry… Not at them but it lashes out behind them and you can’t stop it. You want to apologise but it’s just words because it keeps happening… It’s not their fault, it’s the black hole… It destroys any happiness that comes close to you now. You feel trapped. Trapped in despair and devastation. Isolated on all sides from light and life and joy and love.

Ever feel like that?

Nah, neither me.

Trying to make it

When you grow up financially challenged, seen so your parents struggle to keep it all together. Struggle to keep you fed, struggle to pay the bills, struggle to pay the rent.

When you know their dream is to own their own home and felt it so strongly it became your dream too. 
When you grow up and you start facing the same struggles but you’re convinced that you can do better.

So you study hard, mainly because your parents worked their asses off so that you could. You get a good job, you try to save.

But at every turn, every single time you start to feel like you’re up….. Something just has to come around and knock you back down.

Every time!  And it happens to almost everyone you know well. Yet there are so many others who just seem to be getting through just a little bit better than you. Hell who am I kidding, they are getting through a hell of a lot better than you.

You feel a heaviness, a burden on your shoulders….. All the damn time. Or so it seems.

You’re ready to give up. Seems like the world has turn it’s back on us.

Well SCREW YOU, WORLD!!  Challenges gonna have to turn around and look you in your face soon enough. Because you will NEVER give up! 

That feeling, that defeated feeling….. It’s just for now because the shit is getting hard again and the challenges are piling up.

But you had so many moments when you felt blessed beyond comprehension….. Blessed because you had family who would never see you sick or hungry or even lonely. Blessed because your friends never let you stay down for long and because they sometimes believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

Blessed because you can help out your family even when you are struggling yourself. And even though you wish you could do more, be more, have more….. As long as you remember that you are blessed to be surrounded by love and have a plate of food and some kind of shelter…… Everything else gonna fall into place.

You just gotta keep working towards it without forgetting all your blessings.

Count your blessings
Be someone’s blessing
Receive more blessings

Make that a cycle and you gonna make it…… This too shall pass!

Ms Abby Kay

Shoulders back,
Chin up,
Chest out,

Female sexuality; Rape; Murder; Carnival

I wanted to stay silent on this issue. I wanted to ignore what was happening. I wanted to remain uninvolved politically in such a touchy subject.

But I couldn’t.

I am a woman after all, and I do have to live in a society where these issues are prevalent and these opinions given places of authority.

Let me shed some light.

Carnival in Trinidad and Tobago has just been concluded. Most citizens and visitors are on a high from the euphoria they just experienced.

Carnival is Bacchanal…. Or so the song says.

Carnival is colour and mas and WOMAN!

Almost every soca and party song played is dedicated to women and their figures and the gyrating movements performed with their hips.

Carnival is a catharsis….. A time of release from everyday stress…. A time to own and celebrate your sexuality…. The only time celebrating your sexuality is not only allowed but encouraged.

This year, after Carnival news broke that a female masquerader was found dead around the savannah.

Ok, another dead body….. Sad and unfortunate but I’m sorry to say the nation would probably not have been in outrage if it wasn’t for the prompting from the Port of Spain Mayor Mr Tim Kee.

You see this misguided gentleman made a statement urging women to take responsibility for their lewd and vulgar conduct.

Now, in essence he is correct in cautioning women against such behaviour.

Now the nation is up in arms and most feminists and women’s rights activists are calling for his removal as the mayor of the capital city.

Now before I give my opinion I will simply make statements.

Women have the right to behave in any manner they wish provided that it is legal.

Women also have the responsibility to ensure that they don’t unnecessarily place themselves in risky situations.

Men do NOT have the right to rape or kill ANYONE.

The mayor did NOT say that the woman was behaving in a lewd or vulgar manner. Neither did he say that she ‘look for that’

Trinidad and Tobago’s culture and Carnival Festivities encourage somewhat vulgar behaviour by women.

A woman was just killed enjoying our cultural Festivities when our Mayor of POS made insensitive comments which led the public to believe/infer that he blamed this woman’s untimely demise on her presumed conduct during said festivities.

The Mayor does not know this woman personally and could not know what her conduct was like during these Celebrations.

The woman, it was revealed, was a Japanese national who came to play pan (our national instrument). She does this yearly.

The mayor’s statement can now potentially cause the country international embarrassment.

Now for my opinion.

This would have been tricky for me because I do believe that we as women should take caution and act responsibly so as not to attract any dangers.

Of course this ranges from displays of eroticism (unless that’s what you do for work) to travelling in groups to having at home security systems, especially if living alone.

However, noone has the right to sexually force themselves on another person, despite what conduct that person displays.

And further we do not know how this woman was enjoying the carnival as most of us do not know her personally or saw her on the road.

Let’s go further, as a society we have failed when our men believe that they can commit acts violently against our women. We have also failed when our politicians instead of condemning the perpetrators of these acts, make insensitive statements against female sexuality.

As a politician, Mr Tim Kee, I don’t believe you meant to associate lewd sexual conduct as the cause of this lady’s death but I do believe you should have known better.

Now Mr Tim Kee you have some work to do. If you don’t want to step down, you need to now go on a campaign to re-educate men about their responsibility to control themselves in the presence of beautiful women.

You good sir need to convince the public and female sexual victims that you are not slut shaming them, especially without knowing their individual situations.

The issue of female sexuality is one where education is sorely lacking.

Look out for my story with my brush with sexual prejudice for the past Carnival season.

Please share your comments and opinions below.

Abby Kay Entertainment ~ have your most enjoyable event yet!!


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We offer professionally conceptualised event coordination services and aim to put style, class and quality in what will be your most enjoyable event yet!!

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9 Sure-fire Tips to Expand Your Mind!

Sit Back and Starve

Life is too short to be content with commonplace ideas and philosophies society bombards us with. What use is being called Homo sapiens, “the thinking man,” if we refrain from using every bit of time we have left to enhance our meditating faculties? So in the interest of the purely rational mind and for the sake of posterity, we have compiled a list of intellectual tasks and mental exercises you can perform to expand your mind:

1. Start reading serious books. — Stephen Hawking didn’t become Stephen Hawking by reading Spider-Man, and Ayn Rand didn’t come up with Objectivism by immersing herself in sleazy romance novels! Chuck out every non-serious, fun, and emotional book or reading material you have in your shelves and start collecting those leather-bound tome-like ones without any pictures. If the font is smaller than size 8, that’s a good sign you’re in the right direction. Burn…

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Open Auditions for Presentation College Mixed Choir 35th Musical Theatre Production – “The Music Man”

Theatrebuzz Callboard 3.0 | @TTPANetwork

Production Company: Presentation College Mixed Choir

Seeking: M/F Actors/Singers/Dancers (12-18 y/o) (See Character breakdown)

For: Presentation College Mixed Choirs 35th Musical Theatre Production

Title: “The Music Man” 

Synopsis: “When Harold Hill, a traveling con man, arrives in River City, he convinces the locals to start a band by purchasing the uniforms and instruments from him. His intention is to flee as soon as he receives the money. Librarian Marian Paroo suspects Harold is a fraud, but holds her tongue since her moody brother, Winthrop, is excited about the band. As Harold begins to develop feelings for Marian, he faces a difficult decision about skipping town

Format: Live Audition

Audition Date:  Friday 25th September 2015

Time:  3pm- 6pm

Location:  Presentation College, San Fernando’s Music Room


SIGN UP: ALL Interested persons are required to register online. Click HERE to complete registration form.

VOICE: Prepare a song preferably  for the role you are…

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